i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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