I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
