That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
