I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize