If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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