She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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