The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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