this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
