Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
