yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
