i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
