happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
