the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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