I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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