I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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