Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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