wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
