I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize