Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
