so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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