Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
