I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
