Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
