I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
