the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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