Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
