Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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