I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
