i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
