im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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