TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
