ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
