We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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