you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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