Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
