Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize