And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
