I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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