Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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