Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
