i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
