Umm I'm too high to move.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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