Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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