Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize