so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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