I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
