I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
