I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
