This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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