so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
