somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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