you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
