Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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