rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
