Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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