i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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