I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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