I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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