I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
