Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
