gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
