it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
