he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
