i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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