Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
