Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
