I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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