Cold hands, warm shart.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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