Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
