I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
