he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize